Big ol' butts and boobs

This post is for those Sistas that don't naturally have all of the abundance that is often glorified in the Afrikan community. This is for those Sistas that are really cute, but have to arch their backs and hold their shoulders back in order to have the extra curves that are so desirable in our community. This is for those Sistas that are hate even spending $10 on a bra because we don't have enough boobs to feel like we are getting our money's worth in satin and lace.

I grew up in a time that was filled with songs written by Uncle Luke and a well know dance called "Da Butt" that I was ill equipped to do, but did anyway (because it had my name in it) . I was naturally a size 3. I was slim and slim wasn't in fashion. My face and attitude were my saving grace because lawd knows I didn't have the body. To add insult to injury people constantly felt the need to tell me how slim I was. More often than not these comments would come from overweight elders. What they didn't understand was that I wanted what they had. I wanted a big butt and boobs.  My mom is a chocolate brick house. I remember envying the way she could make her fish-tailed skirt work. That skirt looked like it was sweeping all the cares of the world off the path behind her. I wanted to be shaped like my Mama. Being slim was ugly in my eyes. I was surrounded by images that told me that being slim was unattractive. Damn you BET!!!

After giving birth to my second child, my son, I began to gain weight. For a while I was quite happy with my new found sexiness. I had some thickness. Of course now I had to hold my stomach in all the time to give my thickness some curves, but that was okay. I was fillin' out my jeans. I was in a DD bra. Guys had always looked at me, but now they were looking at me coming and going. Finally, I knew what those thick girls must feel like.

When my son was almost a year old I began to have aches and pains. My knees and hips were giving me trouble. I got on the scale one day out of curiosity while I was working at the nursing home. I was in shock. I was 180+lbs. WTH? How had this happened? I went from 110 lbs in high school, 120-130 lbs in the military, and now this?!?! I am not big boned, just like many other Afrikan women. Just like many Afrikan women I could tell because my fat was causing me to have aches, pains, and lethargy. I'm sorry, but if you are feeling this way, you are fat and your bones have nothing to do with it.

Soon after I realized that I was fat. I met my husband. He thought I was cute--sexy even. I convinced myself that I was sexy too. I could even hold my stomach in while napping if I didn't go into a deep sleep. lol Once we got married we continued to eat whatever the hell we wanted and considered sex to be enough exercise to keep us in shape. Well, to be honest, now that we are in better shape, I realize that it was lazy fat sex. Let's face it, there are some things that can prove difficult when you have too much excess meat in the way. All that still didn't matter. In the end my weight loss came as a result of my need to get rid of my constant headaches.

All that to say this. It is hard sometimes to grow up in a culture that would rather you be fat with a big butt and big boob than be your healthy natural size. I am down to about a size 10 and have little to no curves. I've had to explain to my husband that the curves are gone and that I am naturally slim. Bless his heart, because he didn't know. Now mind you, my husband couldn't care less about what I look like, but he thought the size he met me was the size I naturally was. Many Afrikan men are indoctrinated to think that all Afrikan women are naturally brick houses. That simply is not the case. I'm naturally slim. When I am at my healthiest at my age I will probably be somewhere between a size 6 and 8.

My name is Abena and I don't have a "rack" or a "donk" and I'm fine with that.

Day 11-Orange juice...

I made it through this day. It wasn't hard because I was SUPER busy and I still am. My soup is in the crockpot ready to be eaten tomorrow after my orange juice. I am drooling just thinking about it! YAY! A sun ji o!

Day 10-Starting off well...

Here I am. Day 10. I'm happy, but I am still dreading the last laxative tea during this fast. I am so excited to be able to buy my orange juice today! Yay!!! I am also looking forward to the delicious soup that I will be having on day 12! The recipe for the soup is in the Master Cleanse Book or PDF. Of course I will be adding some things and leaving some things out as needed. I am proud of myself regardless of how hard it was. I know it was good for my body. I will continue to do it for 10 days until I master 10 days and then I will go from there, but no need to worry about that. I am here. I am now. Day 10!!!

Day 9-Punk Wins---No sucha thang!

Iya Ajoke told me that there is no such thing as a punk win. It was cute at the time, but dammit now I understand! Here I am on day 9 and I am having a stand off with the freakin' sh!+ tea a.k.a. "Get Regular Tea". I would love to tell this tea where to go but alas I already dwell in the 7th circle of hell and don't want the tea to follow me!!!

I started off all serene this morning. I was all "divine feminine" and "one with the universe" and then my 7am client was late. GGGGRRRRRR!!!! I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ARE LATE! She said that she said 7ish. I missed that when we scheduled because I have to give permission for "ish" appointments. I let it ride and she said she would be here by 7:30. She was 3 minutes late for the 7:30, which would have been fine except that she was already late for the 7am. So that I am clear "ish" means that you are going to be a little late, 15 minutes max, 30 minutes meant that I could have stayed in the bed. I conveyed my feelings about my pet peeve being conjured and she told me the real story behind what was going on with her which, of course, I will not divulge.

Needless to say her story brought me back to earth because she is in a worse situation that I am and that quickly brought me back into focus. I will still say that day 9 is a beast. Day 10 will be like those little girls who stand there bouncing back and forth in front of the double dutch rope waiting to jump in. Day 11 is going to be a big ol' orange juice whosaaaaaa, Day 12 is gonna be a party!!!

Day 7-Sorry, I've been slack

Well, here I sit on day seven starting to feel my bratty-ness rearing it's head. Toward the end last time I didn't want to drink any of the lemonade at all. I got to the point that I just didn't want to be bothered with it and simply chose hunger. Spoiled right? Well, I am fighting against that now. I think I'm just bored. I love variety and this isn't getting it. Lemon and lime taste the same at this point and I don't care for either one. *chugs "lemonade" out of guilt*
I have to admit, however, that I feel fine physically. As a matter of fact I feel wonderful. All of my weird cravings are gone, though I can't wait to make vegan something with quinoa! OMG!!! I swear it is calling my name. Huh? Oh, I thought I hear something. Anyway, I just have 3 more days of , ugh, lemonade, then 2 more days of orange juice (maybe), and then 2 days of the recommended soup. No problem. Dang that soup sounds good right now. *salivating*
Okay so that's all for now. This is all about discipline and iwa pele and I am going to maintain both until the end. Ase.

Day 4-Headaches, soup, Master Cleanse PDF

I've had a headache today. Well, the headache isn't as bad as it was the last time, but it's here and has been here all day. I am able to deal with it because I am accustomed to full blown migraines. You have to count the little blessing I guess. I had enough energy to help paint my daughters room and do 2 clients so I am really happy about that.

Titus decided to come off of the cleanse a little early (sssshhhh don't tell him that I told you.) He did his day of orange juice today. I had to prepare his soup for tomorrow. I must admit that it was not made with love AT ALL!!! Nothing like cooking food when you can't even lick your fingers! The soup was so simple that he could have made it himself, but I make all the made-from-scratch-healthy-vegan-meals. I was really mad.

Last but not least. I sent my husband and others the MC PDF a long time ago before the fast began. He, like many people, didn't read it. He skimmed it tonight and learned a lot just from skimming. I cannot not emphasize this enough. READ THE PDF IN FULL!!!! This is a cleanse that needs to be done right or not at all.

What I miss most right now...

I know that you think that I am going to say that I miss some succulent delicacy. No. Strangely enough I miss my vinegar water and chlorophyll. I don't know what that's about, but that's what I miss. Of course I want to eat, but my life would be much more beautiful right now if I could chug some vinegar water and chlorophyll water. What is that about? lol