Big ol' butts and boobs

This post is for those Sistas that don't naturally have all of the abundance that is often glorified in the Afrikan community. This is for those Sistas that are really cute, but have to arch their backs and hold their shoulders back in order to have the extra curves that are so desirable in our community. This is for those Sistas that are hate even spending $10 on a bra because we don't have enough boobs to feel like we are getting our money's worth in satin and lace.

I grew up in a time that was filled with songs written by Uncle Luke and a well know dance called "Da Butt" that I was ill equipped to do, but did anyway (because it had my name in it) . I was naturally a size 3. I was slim and slim wasn't in fashion. My face and attitude were my saving grace because lawd knows I didn't have the body. To add insult to injury people constantly felt the need to tell me how slim I was. More often than not these comments would come from overweight elders. What they didn't understand was that I wanted what they had. I wanted a big butt and boobs.  My mom is a chocolate brick house. I remember envying the way she could make her fish-tailed skirt work. That skirt looked like it was sweeping all the cares of the world off the path behind her. I wanted to be shaped like my Mama. Being slim was ugly in my eyes. I was surrounded by images that told me that being slim was unattractive. Damn you BET!!!

After giving birth to my second child, my son, I began to gain weight. For a while I was quite happy with my new found sexiness. I had some thickness. Of course now I had to hold my stomach in all the time to give my thickness some curves, but that was okay. I was fillin' out my jeans. I was in a DD bra. Guys had always looked at me, but now they were looking at me coming and going. Finally, I knew what those thick girls must feel like.

When my son was almost a year old I began to have aches and pains. My knees and hips were giving me trouble. I got on the scale one day out of curiosity while I was working at the nursing home. I was in shock. I was 180+lbs. WTH? How had this happened? I went from 110 lbs in high school, 120-130 lbs in the military, and now this?!?! I am not big boned, just like many other Afrikan women. Just like many Afrikan women I could tell because my fat was causing me to have aches, pains, and lethargy. I'm sorry, but if you are feeling this way, you are fat and your bones have nothing to do with it.

Soon after I realized that I was fat. I met my husband. He thought I was cute--sexy even. I convinced myself that I was sexy too. I could even hold my stomach in while napping if I didn't go into a deep sleep. lol Once we got married we continued to eat whatever the hell we wanted and considered sex to be enough exercise to keep us in shape. Well, to be honest, now that we are in better shape, I realize that it was lazy fat sex. Let's face it, there are some things that can prove difficult when you have too much excess meat in the way. All that still didn't matter. In the end my weight loss came as a result of my need to get rid of my constant headaches.

All that to say this. It is hard sometimes to grow up in a culture that would rather you be fat with a big butt and big boob than be your healthy natural size. I am down to about a size 10 and have little to no curves. I've had to explain to my husband that the curves are gone and that I am naturally slim. Bless his heart, because he didn't know. Now mind you, my husband couldn't care less about what I look like, but he thought the size he met me was the size I naturally was. Many Afrikan men are indoctrinated to think that all Afrikan women are naturally brick houses. That simply is not the case. I'm naturally slim. When I am at my healthiest at my age I will probably be somewhere between a size 6 and 8.

My name is Abena and I don't have a "rack" or a "donk" and I'm fine with that.